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Reducing Multitasking Among Children

November 27, 2019/in Digital Parenting

The practice of multitasking with digital devices is rampant among children.  Children multitask in three basic ways: some use two or three devices at once, others use two or more apps on a single device, and yet others use a digital device while also performing another non-digital task, such as eating lunch.

Multitasking has become so routine that many children have lost any sense that it may be inappropriate at times.  For example, 35% of teens say they don’t think it’s rude or disrespectful to use their phones during class to play games, use social media, or stream video (Screen Education, 2018).

Unfortunately, multitasking is unhealthy.  Parents intuitively sense this — they sense that multitasking fragments children’s focus, shortens their attention span, prevents them from engaging deeply in the task at hand, and reduces their productivity.  Scientific research validates parents’ intuition. For example, researchers at the University of Sussex did MRI scans of the brains of people who frequently multitask and found they had a lower gray matter density in a region of the brain responsible for certain cognitive function than did those who don’t multitask.  Another study out of the University of London found that people who multitask while taking cognitive tests experienced a 15-point drop in IQ, which would be similar to the effect from smoking marijuana or staying up all night. Yet another study published in the American Journal of Experimental Psychiatry found that multitasking reduces productivity on each task by 40%.   

Given the ill health effects that result from multitasking it is incumbent upon parents to reduce multitasking among children.  Parents can accomplish this using both short-term and long-term strategies.  

In the short-term parents can limit the amount of time children spend multitasking simply by imposing limits.  For example, parents can forbid children from using more than one device at a time. Or, they can forbid them from using a device while doing other non-digital things, such as eating meals, talking to others, doing homework, or lying in bed trying to get to sleep. 

Over the long-term parents can help children develop the ability to independently self-limit their multitasking through a strategy of cognitive engagement.  Parents have a variety of tactics to use to accomplish this.

First, parents can educate children over time about the ill health effects of multitasking.  Parents can quickly and easily arm themselves with the knowledge they need to do this by conducting simple Google searches to generate articles and reports on these ill health effects. 

Second, parents can help children deeply internalize this knowledge about the ill-health effects of multitasking through active learning.  For example, parents can print an article on the latest research on the ill-health effects of multitasking, have their child read it, and then get them to articulate how they felt about the research findings, whether they feel the research findings are valid and accurate, and what they think the findings suggest people should do about their multitasking.

Third, parents can get children to reflect upon their own personal experience with multitasking.  For example, parents can ask children to verbalize how they feel when they aren’t permitted to use their phones during meals, versus how they feel when they do use their phone during meals.  How is the experience different? What is good about it? What is bad about it? How do they feel it helps them? What does it suggest for their future multitasking behavior? 

Finally, parents can turn the tables and challenge children to use their knowledge of the ill-health effects of multitasking, and their insights about their own multitasking behaviors, to independently develop their own rules for themselves to limit their own multitasking.  

If parents take this multi-pronged approach to addressing multitasking they will increase the likelihood of having a deeper, longer-term impact on children’s multitasking behavior, and, subsequently, on their cognitive health, productivity, and social intelligence.  For some children such an approach may be transformational and result in their developing much healthier screen habits. For others there might not be an immediate impact, but it will at least serve to raise their consciousness about the issue and serve as a touchstone experience that may inspire them at some later time to take the initiative reduce their multitasking on their own. 

Michael Mercier is President of Screen Education, a non-profit organization that conducts research and provides seminars to school administrators, teachers, parents, and students on tech addiction and how to address it.  Reach him at Michael.Mercier@ScreenEducation.org. 

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Kids soccer team cheering

Parents React to Relay | Watch Testimonials

June 6, 2019/in Relay in Action

Relay isn’t just a toy – it’s a tool that keeps families connected, allowing kids to experience the independence they need to grow. See what parents are saying about how Relay has affected their families.

Relay: Why It Works from Relay on Vimeo.

“Relay makes sense for our family because I believe kids need independence but they also need to be safe.” -John, father of two

Learn more about Relay here on the blog or at relaygo.com – or check us out on Amazon or a Target store near you.

Shop Relay

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Missed Messages: The Ultimate User Guide

June 3, 2019/in Relay in Action

relay app with missed messages feature

What is the missed messages feature?

Relay works kind of like a walkie-talkie, where you hear new messages as soon as they are sent. With missed messages, you can still listen to a message even if you miss it coming though. If you are offline or using a different Relay chat or channel, new Direct Chat messages will wait to play until you’re ready to listen to them.

How does it work?

Real-time vs missed messages

Sometimes your Relay messages will come through in real-time, and in other situations, they will be saved as missed messages. For a message to come through to your Relay or smartphone app in real-time, both members of the chat need to be on the same chat at the same time.

For Direct Chats, this means that your child’s Relay needs to be on your app’s Direct Chat and your app needs to be on the Direct Chat for your child’s Relay.

For Group Chats, this means that your child’s Relay and your smartphone app both need to be on the same group chat. If anyone else is part of that chat and are tuned in, they will also hear messages in real-time. If they aren’t tuned into that chat, they won’t receive any missed messages.

  • More information about how to talk to different people with Relay

Direct Chats vs Group Chats

Direct Chats are made up of just two people—and they’re automatically set up on your Relay account. When you send a message through Direct Chats and the recipient is not tuned into that same Chat, your message will be saved so they can listen to it later.

Relay comes pre-configured with the Everyone Group chat, which allows you to communicate with everyone on your account, whether they are using a Relay device or the app on their smartphone. Other Group Chats are manually set up and usually contain 3 or more people. If you are not online when someone sends a message to a Group Chat, you will not receive a Missed Message. You will only receive missed messages in your Direct Chats.

  • Learn how to use and navigate your Direct Chats
  • Learn how to add new Group Chats and manage existing ones

Why don’t I receive missed messages for group chats?

Most people have experienced being part of a big group text—we consider group chats similar to that. Getting notification after notification when just a couple members of the group are having a conversation can often be more trouble than it’s worth. That’s why you’ll only receive missed messages when someone is trying to get a hold of you through Direct Chats.

 

 

Step-by-step guide

Here’s where we’ll get into the nuts and bolts of how missed messages work, both on your Relay device and on your smartphone app.

Missed Messages on your Relay

How do I know I have a missed message?

When you have a missed message waiting for you, you’ll see your Relay’s LED ring intermittently flashing green. It will flash every couple of seconds at first, then less frequently over time to save battery life.

How do I check the message?

You don’t have to wait until you see the flashing green light to check for missed messages. Just press the power button once—your Relay will navigate to the correct chat and play the missed message automatically.

To replay the last message on a chat, navigate to the Direct Chat you want with the you can manually navigate chats and channels by hitting the power button or you can press and hold the “volume/assistant” button to issue voice command. Then press the talk button once to replay the most recent message on the Direct Chat.

What if I have missed messages from multiple Direct Chats?

If you have multiple missed messages, you will still see your LED ring flashing green after pressing the power button and listening to your first message. Just press the power button again to listen to the next message.

  • More information about missed messages on your Relay device

Missed messages on your smartphone app

How do I know I have a missed message?

On your smartphone, there are three ways to tell you have missed messages waiting.

  • Push notifications when a message comes in
  • Badge notifications in the app
  • Details in the Direct Chat

First, the relay app will send you a push notification that you can see even when your Relay app is closed. Then, inside the app on the main screen, you’ll see a badge notification on the direct chat which has left you a message. Once you tap on the Direct Chat, you’ll be able to see how many missed messages you have, along with the option to play your messages or mark them as “read.”

How do I check the message?

Just open up your Relay app, tap the Direct Chat with a badge icon, and tap the play button to listen to your messages or replay messages you’ve already listened to.

  • More information about missed messages on the Relay app
  • More information about navigating your Relay app

How will missed messages make your day easier?

Leaving a message on purpose

Sometimes you might want to leave your child a message instead of getting ahold of them in real time—like when you want to give them a reminder for after school. There are two ways to leave a message on purpose.

The “Everyone” method

If you want to leave your child a message, you need to make sure that their Relay device isn’t currently tuned into a Direct Chat with you. A quick way to ensure this is to send a message on the Everyone group chat. You don’t need to speak, just press and hold the talk button briefly. All Relays on your account will automatically switch to the Everyone group chat, leaving you free to leave your child a message via Direct Chats.

The “Power saver” method

When your Relay device is turned off, all Direct Chats will be saved as missed messages. So if your child turns off their Relay while at school, you can send them a message that they can listen to when they turn their Relay back on at the end of the day. This also saves battery!

Quick fixes for common issues

Having issues with missed messages? Check these two quick fixes. If you’re still having trouble, start a chat with our support team right from your Relay app.

Do you have two-person Group Chats?

If you have a manually-created group chat with the same name as a Direct Chat on your account, this can cause issues since missed messages works with Direct Chats but not with group chats.

  • How to manage your group chats

Have you changed the names of any Relays or apps on your account?

If your Relay is giving you a “message expired” notice or you see messages disappearing, try changing the name of the Relay or app in question. It will clear out any old messages and acts as a reset on the chat.

  • How to Change the Name of a Relay

Don’t have Relay yet? Check us out on Amazon or at your local Target store. To learn more, visit us at relaygo.com.

https://blog.relaypro.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/app_header-1.png 300 695 Victoria Seng https://blog.relaypro.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/relay_blog.svg Victoria Seng2019-06-03 13:21:442021-04-02 11:18:15Missed Messages: The Ultimate User Guide
push to talk voice assistant

Relay Assistant: The New Push to Talk Voice Assistant

May 21, 2019/in Relay in Action

In addition to our new SOS and missed messages features, you may have noticed that your Relay device has learned a couple other new tricks this week—let us introduce you to Relay Assistant. 

Now you can give your Relay verbal commands with the press of a button.  It’s super easy to use and makes navigating between features a breeze.

With the Relay Assistant, instead of pressing the power button to cycle through your channels, you have the option to use a simple voice command—we think it’s a real time saver!

How does it work?

Just press and hold the volume button, say your command, then release.  That’s it!

Navigate to chats

Say the name of the chat you wish to speak to, like Everyone, Mom, or Friends to switch directly to that chat. Just remember to use the chat name that’s used in the Relay app—if you say “Joey and Kate” when your chat is named “Friends,” your Relay might get confused.

Navigate to channels

You can also say the name of a channel that you wish to switch to, like Music, Translate, or Daily Joke. As long as the channel is enabled on your Relay through the app, a voice command will take you there quick.

What else can it do?

The voice assistant is a growing feature, so it will be able to do more over time! Here’s what it can do now.

Check the weather

Now your kids can dress for the weather all by themselves. Just press and hold the volume button and say “Weather.” You’ll hear a “ding” sound and your Relay will tell you the current temperature and the day’s forecast for your location.  

Pro Tip: Be sure to enable location so the weather function will work (that way Relay can tell you the right weather!)

Check Relay’s battery level

 Ever wonder if there was a simple way for your kids to check the battery level on their Relay device? Now there is! Just press and hold the volume button and say “Battery” to hear the current battery percentage of your Relay device. 

Check the local time

Now you can send your kids out to play and tell them to be back at a specific time because the time is now available on their Relay device. Just press and hold the volume button and say “Time” to hear the local time for your location.

Want to learn more about Relay’s features? Check out this post. Want a Relay of your own? Shop on Amazon, at RelayGo.com, or find us in a Target store near you.

https://blog.relaypro.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/button-1.png 300 695 Victoria Seng https://blog.relaypro.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/relay_blog.svg Victoria Seng2019-05-21 13:38:542021-04-02 11:18:23Relay Assistant: The New Push to Talk Voice Assistant
A Relay employee explains new features

Our Biggest Update Yet: Setting the Safety Standard

May 16, 2019/in Relay in Action

You asked, and here they are – new app updates designed to keep kids safe and parents informed. Thank you for making Relay even better!

Never miss a message

Miss a Direct Chat message? No problem. Now you can listen to those messages on your Relay, or on the smartphone app.

Messages on your Relay

A missed message notification on a Relay is signaled by a green LED ring

When someone leaves you a message on your Relay, you will hear a doorbell tone your LED light ring will flash green.

Press the power button to jump to the Direct Chat and listen to all of the messages. If you press the talk button, you can replay the last message from that Direct Chat.

Get more info here.

 

 

 

 

Messages on your smartphone

The Relay app shows how many direct chats you missed so you can catch up on messages

In the Relay app, a pink dot appears over the Direct Chat that has left you a message.

After selecting the Direct Chat, you can view the number of messages you have. Tap the talk button to play all of the messages or mark all as read.

Get more info here.

 

 

 

 

In case of emergency…

Relay’s new SOS feature makes sure that if your child needs help, you don’t miss the alert.

 

How to activate SOS

After enabling the SOS feature, just push the talk button 5 times. Then, when Relay asks if you’d like to send an SOS alert, hold the talk button down for 1 second. Done!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Receiving an SOS alert

When your child sends an SOS alert, you will hear a special alert and receive immediate location data from the Relay sending the alert. You’ll get continuous location updates until you resolve the SOS.

Resolving the SOS alert

During the SOS, all Relays and Relay apps on your account will automatically switch to the “Everyone” channel to make communication easier. Tap the “RESOLVE” button in the app to cancel the SOS alert.

Get more info about the SOS feature here.

 

The Relay app got a new look and feel.

With Direct Chats, you can now talk one-on-one with anyone on the account.  This makes communication even easier. In the smartphone app, you’ll see icons for all the Relays and smartphones on your account. To start a Direct Chat, just tap an icon and start chatting!

On Relay, just press the power button to cycle through to get to the Direct Chat.  

Quick Tip: press and hold the volume button, say the name of the Relay or channel that you want to switch to.  This will take you directly to the Direct Chat or channel rather than having to cycle through all of the ones available.  So easy!

Get more info on Direct Chats here.

What else can Relay do?

Try holding down the volume button and saying “weather.” Relay will tell you your local forecast — and that’s just the beginning for Relay voice commands. Stay tuned for future updates. Check out this post for a full list of features, plus how they work.

Not a member yet? There’s never been a better time to get a Relay. Shop on Amazon, find Relay in Target stores near you, or pick yours up at relaygo.com.

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breakfast in bed for mom

The Best Mothers Day Gift from Kids: A Day Off

May 9, 2019/in Digital Parenting

stack of fluffy pancakes with whipped cream and strawberries just for mom

You might be here looking for cute craft ideas and maybe a printable Mother’s Day card template. That’s not quite what you’re going to get. Instead, we’re bringing you a guide to give Mom what she really wants this year: Mother’s Day off. Here’s everything you need to give the most special lady in your family an easy and relaxing day, plus tips on common pitfalls and how to avoid them.

Let her sleep in

Parents exist in a near-constant sleep deficit – especially if there are babies and toddlers running around. Making time for mom to catch up on beauty rest will mean the world to her, as well as let her stop getting by day-to-day in “low battery mode.” For more on what mom (and dad!) can do to improve sleep and reduce stress, check out this post.

Pro tip: Take any young kids out for an early walk in the neighborhood so your home stays nice and quiet.

Serve her breakfast in bed

One mom wakes up, let her call (or Relay!) you so you can start on breakfast. If your kids are old enough to try their hand at pancakes, let them try making cute shapes out of batter – they’ll be excited to make mom a delicious gift with a personal touch. In addition to being a sweet, homemade mother’s day idea, breakfast in bed eliminates the stress of venturing out into the crowded horde of brunch spots and then waiting an hour for a table.

Pro tip: If you aren’t confident in the kitchen or your kids are too little to help with breakfast, try a food delivery service – you can order from her favorite spots without needing a reservation or worrying about the kids behaving at the table.

Open Mother’s Day cards and gifts

Cards and presents make any day sweeter, and whether your kids’ gift for mom is a fancy bracelet or a bouquet of wildflowers and weeds picked in the back yard, mom will probably treasure it. If you’re having trouble deciding, here are some homemade gift ideas for mom:

  • A simple card with a message from your child written in their own words
  • Dried four leaf clovers hunted down and hand-picked by your kids
  • Paint a coffee mug if you want to get crafty
  • Fine art, handmade by the kids and framed by you
  • Have the kids compose a poem about all the things that make mom great

Pro tip: Many gifts your kids make will turn out looking like a big, beautiful mess. That doesn’t mean it won’t make a great gift.

Let her relax and unwind

She’s been mommin’ all year long, and she deserves a day off. Take the kids out and let her have the house to herself if she wants. Or get a sitter for the kids and spend the day together. Let her de-stress however she wants, because today (well, every day really,) she is the queen.

Pro Tip: Let her take a Relay with her so she can completely relax without worrying what the kids are up to.

Have a happy mother’s day!

 

See more parenting posts

Learn more about Relay

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Relay with creative cutout leaves and flowers

Raising Creative Children is Easier than You Think

April 25, 2019/in Digital Parenting

Relay with creative cutout leaves and flowers

There’s a famous study in which kids are asked to come up with how many uses they can think of for a paper clip. How many uses can you think of for a simple paper clip?

Some kids say things like “fishing hook” or “back scratcher.”

Thousands of kids were involved in this study and based on how many ideas they could devise, they were ranked on how well they exemplified divergent thinking. That is, how well could they look at a problem with novel, creative solutions. Divergent thinking means the ability to find multiple solutions to a problem.

What percentage of  typical 5-year-olds score in “genius” level for divergent thinking?

The answer: 98%!

By the time they reach high school, only 12% were ranked as “genius” level on divergent thinking.

This study begs the question: what happens between kindergarten and high school that explains this dramatic decline in this type of creativity called divergent thinking? The children in this study, of course, experience many things in the intervening years. The authors point out, however, that the primary experience they all have is that they are taught over and over that there is just one right answer to every problem. In school, at home and most everywhere else, children are formed to believe there is one right answer, one right solution to a problem.

Of course, there is a need for this type of formation in life. We wouldn’t get very far with formal education of our children if we taught them that all answers were right. We know that children have to understand that in some situations (e.g., math, writing, etc.) that there is just one right answer.

But what about creativity and this ability to think divergently about solutions to problems? Should we care about this?

In the big picture of the world that our kids will inherit, I think clearly the answer is “yes.” Creative thinking is what solves big problems. Thinking outside the box, looking at multiple solutions–these are the thinking skills that kids will need to solve the complex problems of the future.

As parents, there are things we can do to help raise creative children, even as they experience formal education.

Foster Unstructured Play

So much of our kids’ days are structured, rule-driven and controlled by adults. While there is a need for structured activities and learning, kids also need plenty of time for unstructured play that is not managed by adults.

This doesn’t mean chaos, it means creativity. Left on their own, kids will often devise their own games, rules and ways to keep the play lively and fun. I have seen this with my own kids numerous times. When we have a group of friends over to play, we just allow space for the kids to run around and see what emerges. Usually they develop some game or play of their own, with their own rules.

Have you ever seen a group of kids playing “groundies” on the playground? This game seems to be a universal one that all kids learn from other kids at a young age. I have no idea where it developed, but most kids just inherently learn it on the playground. The rules are made by kids, but all kids usually know the terms. It’s sort of amazing to watch how kids regulate themselves and their behavior when given the space to do so.

This is the beauty of unstructured play. Research backs up the necessity and usefulness of unstructured play for our children and the development of creativity. Studies have shown that kids who spend more time in unstructured play tend to rank higher on measures of executive function skills. These are the skills like planning, self-control, attention and memory that help kids succeed in all areas of life. While these may sound “uncreative” and boring, these are the foundations of creativity. Without these basic skills, the imaginative, fun, risk-taking and problem-solving of creativity is not possible.

Limit Hovering

The term “helicopter parenting” has made the rounds in the media for the past few years and made parents feel guilty about yet another aspect of parenting. In reality, however, helicopter parenting can be a real deterrent to fostering creative children, if it’s taken too far.

Parents often joke about being a “helicopter parent” when they bring their child’s forgotten lunchbox to school in time for lunch or similar scenarios. Helicopter parenting becomes problematic when it involves rescuing kids from failure or disappointment.

Allowing children to experience (some) failure really is a creative-building experience. Imagine if Thomas Edison had never experienced the hundreds of failures at creating the lightbulb? It may never had been invented, or at least not by him. Failure builds creativity in the most natural way. When one choice or solution doesn’t work, we are forced to think in a new way about another possible solution. Creativity in action!

In our everyday lives, we want to limit hovering or helicopter parenting our children, but many of us have real concerns about their safety and long-term well-being. That’s where Relay is so helpful. With a Relay in hand, we can feel confident allowing our kids more leeway in playing in the neighborhood or meeting up with friends on their own. We can stay in communication with them, without hovering over their every move. The sense of freedom and confidence that kids gain by having control of their decisions and actions only fosters their positive development.

Ultimately, raising creative children has a lot more do with what we don’t do, than what we do as parents. If we cut down on structured activities and allow for unstructured play, our kids’ creativity will bloom. If we allow for a little freedom in decision-making and perhaps even a little failure in our kids, they will gain resilience and confidence. With a little patience and guidance, our kids will develop into healthy, creative adults.

 

Amy Webb, PHD

Amy Webb, PhD is a scholar turned stay-at-home mom with two young sons.

With her blog, The Thoughtful Parent, she brings academic child development research into the lives of parents in the trenches of child-rearing.

She does not claim to be a parenting guru, but rather a translator of academic research into knowledge that parents can actually use.

 

 

 

 

 

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girl sits with her brother on the couch. She ignores her parents, who observe her behavior.

Who is Teaching your Kid to Break the Family Tech Rules?

April 18, 2019/in Digital Parenting

girl sits with her brother on the couch. She ignores her parents, who observe her behavior.

How would you feel if someone told your kid they could do something that explicitly goes against the rules you created to keep them safe? You might feel hurt, angry, or annoyed. And your child might feel confused. Who should they believe? Who should they listen to?

When kids receive contradicting messages about what is and isn’t ok, your parental authority is undermined, making it more difficult for you to enforce rules at home. And for parents of Gen Alpha kids, it’s extremely common for other adults to have strong opinions about kids using technology (like screen time and what types of media your child consumes.) It’s already a touchy subject for parents—and it’s borderline addictive for kids born in the smartphone era. Compared to curbing screen time after it’s already out of control, enforcing bedtime seems easy.

So if someone in your life has told your child that they don’t have to play by your rules, what do you do? When faced with a situation like this, your response has to change depending on who is undermining your authority as your kid’s primary caregiver, rule-maker, and guardian. Here are the top tips from the Relay team.

Where do mixed messages come from?

Your kid can pick up on the differences between your rules and someone else’s from many different places. Here are some of the most common:

  • From your kids’ friends’ parents
  • From your co-parent or partner
  • From your parents, siblings, or in-laws

How to stop the contradictions and stick to the family rules

When faced with a case of undermining, your best weapon is a simple conversation. In many cases, the person teaching your kid things you don’t like has little to no idea that your rules are so different from theirs. And while there are some cases where a person might be deliberately undermining your parenting, talking it out is usually the best path towards compromise and repairing parent and child bond.

Family rules in other people’s homes

We all had that friend growing up. We loved to go to their house to play, in part because they got to eat that sugary cereal we weren’t allowed to have at home. Their parents let us watch PG-13 movies and we could stay up real late at sleepovers. And we knew that if our parents found out, they would not be happy at all.

House rules are different for every family, and we can’t assume our kids’ friends live by the same rules our kids do, especially when it comes to technology. Here are a few things that you can look for to tell if your child has been breaking technology rules at friends’ houses.

  • They are suddenly a big fan of a TV show, video game, or other digital media product that you have never seen or approved
  • They start asking for more screen time, arguing that their friend gets more than they do
  • They become increasingly irritable or upset when screen time is over
  • Their vocabulary starts to expand to include rude words you didn’t teach them
  • You find out about a secret social media account

If you think that your child’s bad behavior is caused by too much screen time or over-exposure to mature content at a friend’s house, there are a couple ways to approach a solution. First, you could simply have a conversation with the parent in question—not an accusatory conversation and not an argument. Just a friendly conversation about TV, internet, and app use at home.

Inform and observe

Find out what their family rules are and share your own. Usually, a parent will be more than happy to respect your wishes and respect your rules while your child is a guest in their home. How much you are willing to bend your rules out of respect to the other parent is up to you.

If you’ve already had that conversation and your rules are still undermined, make sure the playdates start happening at your house, not theirs. You can’t force someone to adopt your rules, especially not in their own home. The only certain solution is to stop sending your child there.

Different rules with a partner or co-parent

Maybe you have an authoritative parenting style and your partner or co-parent is a bit more permissive. Usually, that’s great. Many parents have different parenting styles and work together wonderfully. With the right communication, multiple different views in a household can help to create a cohesive and balanced set of rules at home, even if you are living separately.

But issues can and will arise when one parent starts undermining the others’ rules. Here are some examples of what that can look like:

  • They don’t enforce technology rules when you aren’t around
  • They reduce or negate consequences you set for rule-breaking
  • They disagree with or negate your rules in front of your child
  • They don’t set an example by following the rules themselves
  • They frequently “pass the buck” to you to avoid being the bad guy

All of these behaviors tell your child the same thing: as long as they appeal to the other parent, your rules don’t apply. This can lead to situations where your child acts different with one parent or cause your child to develop a habit of manipulating you against each other. Not an environment you want to live in.

Putting a stop to undermining behavior from a partner is both the simplest and most difficult situation on this list. On the positive side, you can usually feel safe bringing up the topic directly with little to no beating around the bush. On the other side, your partner’s reasoning for their actions could be coming from many different places. And as well, as an equal parent, their parenting concerns and wishes are just as valid as yours.

Educate and compromise

When you are working with your child’s other parent, the best way to proceed is to educate and compromise. This means explaining exactly why you feel your rules are necessary, and supporting with facts, like the screen time age recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics. It also means listening to your partner’s reasoning for the way they feel.

Maybe your opinions are more similar than you think. When all is said and done, you might have to bend your rules a bit to get your partner or co-parent on board. And that’s ok. Every family is different, and rules work better with both parents on board, even if they’re a little bit more strict or relaxed than you’d prefer.

“Spoiled” by a family member

It’s not uncommon for a family member to have a more permissive or authoritarian parenting style than you or your partner/co-parent. In most cases, it isn’t a problem if the person respects your parental authority. As with the other cases here, the issue isn’t so much different ideology as it is a lack of respect. If a grandparent, aunt, or uncle does the following, you might have to step in:

  • Openly undermines your technology rules despite knowing about them
  • Disagrees with or questions your rules in front of your child
  • Tries to help your child sneak more tech time without your knowledge

A family member, while not your child’s primary guardian, is an authority figure and usually one that a child respects and looks up to. Being undermined by a family member can cause kids to act out, using the family member’s opposing viewpoint on technology as an excuse.

This kind of behavior can stir up family drama. Often, things can be settled with a simple conversation, but all families are different. Make sure you have support from your partner or co-parent while setting things right—it’s always good to have someone in your corner.

Explain and enforce

Depending on your current relationship with family, you might go about fixing this issue in a few different ways. First, you can make sure that the family member is aware of your rules. If they weren’t aware or had forgotten, remind them. Sometimes that’s all it takes.

If that doesn’t work, simply lay down the law. You are the parent and they are not. Let them know it is inappropriate to contradict your rules, especially in front of your kid. You can explain that it has a negative effect on your child, even if the family member believes what they’re doing is kind or nice.

pinterest image, little girl sullenly ignores her parents. Image text: Who is teaching your kid to break the rules? ...and how do you stop them?

The bottom line: this is for your child

It’s not about rules for the sake of rules. Eliminating contradictions, undermining, and mixed messages helps kids grow up less stressed and in a technologically healthy way. In the end, hearing different rules from different authority figures confuses kids and can cause defiant behavior.

Inevitably, the parent with the rules almost always ends up as the “bad guy.” That’s not fair, and it’s not ideal for kids to harbor resentment towards the people trying to keep them healthy and safe—even less ideal for adults in your life to cultivate that behavior. Timely communication is the best way to make sure all the authority figures in your child’s life are on the same page. Good luck! 

Want more insight into Gen Alpha parenting? Find more posts here.

https://blog.relaypro.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Tech-Rules-Post-1.jpg 300 695 Victoria Seng https://blog.relaypro.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/relay_blog.svg Victoria Seng2019-04-18 13:56:042021-04-02 11:19:35Who is Teaching your Kid to Break the Family Tech Rules?
small child using a tablet

Book Review: Raising Humans in a Digital World

April 4, 2019/in Digital Parenting

Small child using a tablet

Welcome to Relay’s reading list for parents. We’ll give you the TL;DR of the book—short enough to be convenient, and long enough to let you know why we love it. This is Raising Humans in a Digital World: Helping Kids Build a Healthy Relationship with Technology by Diana Graber.

Before we start, here’s a quick rundown on Ms. Graber.

  • 1. She is a fellow mom.
  • 2. She has received awards for her work in media literacy education.
  • 3. She co-founded a program called Cyber Civics, which teaches
  • 4. digital citizenship in middle schools in many nations across the world.
  • 5. She is the real deal.

 

What you’ll get if you read this book:

1. Scientific facts about how digital media affects kids from experts in the field

2. Realistic plans and activities that you can do at home

3. The “why” behind every recommendation and piece of advice

4. Heartwarming, powerful anecdotes about real kids navigating this path

5. Multiple points of view from the screen time argument—how tech hurts and how it helps

Raising humans in a digital world: Helping kids build a healthy relationship with technology by diana graber book cover

Top 5 takeaways for parents

Raising Humans in a Digital World is organized into three sections: A Solid Foundation, A Sturdy Structure, and A Vibrant Community. It won’t surprise you that the metaphor here compares preparing your child for the digital world with building a house. Through the book, Graber guides you through each phase of building your child’s tech skills and responsibilities with facts, anecdotes, fun activities, and sound advice.

Instead of breaking down the book section-by-section (Diana Graber does that beautifully,) here are the top 5 lessons I learned while reading.

1. Fear is not our friend—media literacy is

Many parents have heard horror stories about kids and the internet. And it seems easy to keep kids safe online by scaring them away from social media, YouTube, and gaming altogether. But easy doesn’t always mean effective. And in this case, using scare tactics with kids usually backfires.

Not only will fear tactics stop kids from learning the media literacy skills to help them avoid scary experiences, it also fails to stop them from using the internet—instead, they learn to be sneakier online. They may hide their activity from you or lie about what they do at friends’ houses. When parents (and teachers, and any adult mentors) use fear as a way to control behavior, kids won’t be afraid to keep using digital media—they’ll just be afraid to ask for help when they need it, which can compromise their online safety.

Rules about digital media aren’t that different from any other rule at home—we ask our kids not to talk to strangers in real life. Asking them not to give out personal information online isn’t much different. We don’t have to treat digital media like the boogeyman, but we can’t let kids run wild with it any more than we would let them with any other non-digital behavior.

2. You are your child’s primary role model and teacher

But you knew that already. The lessons you teach can be intentional, but many times they’re not. From infancy, the amount of time parents spend looking at screens (and not at their kids) has a real and measurable impact on children. And as kids get older, your technology habits are an example of what normal internet and screen use look like. So healthy screen habits, like screen-free meals and binge-free weekends rub off—and so do their opposites.

In addition to your own habits, you can help your kid navigate the digital world in age-appropriate ways. Diana Graber calls this creating “digital on-ramps,” where you can co-view media, learn how to use the internet for research, and build a strong foundation of knowledge for your child and trust within the parent-child relationship.

When you’re a digital mentor, your child knows that you won’t get mad if they come to you with questions, admit that they made a mistake, or encountered something disturbing online. Cultivating that trust is special and if maintained, can help your child avoid some of the more negative online experiences kids can encounter.

3. Keep in mind your child’s developmental stage

The human brain doesn’t finish developing until we’re 25 years old, and screens can shape the way kids’ brains develop from an early age. From ADHD to anxiety and depression, screen time and internet use can be impactful in all the wrong ways if used too early, too often, and without proper training and supervision. For young children, the ADA had written guidelines to guide parents. But for tweens and teens, the rules are muddy.

Teens (and kids, too) aren’t fully able to think through consequences before making decisions—their frontal cortex, the part of the brain that would usually help them think about that stuff, is still a construction zone. They aren’t able to fully understand how their actions could make other people feel, and that means they are likely to post something on a social network that makes another person feel bad or something that could impact the online reputation important to college admissions and job opportunities for the rest of their lives.

Diana Graber describes it this way: teens are able to understand and respect right and wrong as rules to follow, but don’t necessarily have the empathy necessary to comprehend the morality behind those rules—so it’s important to make sure kids have strong media literacy skills before you ease off the parental controls (and ideally before they own their own smartphone.)

4. Balance quality media with offline fun

When you look online, you often see a couple of parental camps when it comes to technology. There are the screen free parents and the techie parents. One tries to keep kids away from screens almost entirely, while the other has no issue with TV, tablets, phones, etc.

You often see parents in each camp disagreeing with each other. Most of us actually fall somewhere in the middle, and that’s a good thing. As a middle school Cyber Civics teacher, Diana Graber has seen a lot of parenting styles and is able to point out the merits and flaws in both screen time extremes.

Like most absolutist rules in parenting, denying kids screen time altogether often leads to rebellion, sneaking around, and secret-keeping. On the other hand, giving your child a device and letting them “go nuts” is a risky move. Both extreme ends of the spectrum actually lead to similar results: unsupervised screen time with no room for parents to teach kids about safety, privacy, and online etiquette.

Graber recommends taking a balanced approach: you can’t pretend that your kid will be willing or able to avoid the internet until their teen years, and even if they do, they’ll be walking into their digital lives completely unprepared. Introducing technology and online platforms gradually and with supervision is key. That way your child feels included socially—or included enough not to go behind your back—and has a digital mentor to teach them how to stay safe.

On the other side of the equation, offline activities are valuable for their own sake. Unstructured play and outdoor activities help kids’ brains develop in ways that digital media can’t. If your child gets a healthy mix of both, you’re generally on the right track.

5. Technology can be a good thing

It’s easy to mistake books like this for “screens are bad” books, or “you’re parenting wrong” books. Well, this one is different. Yes, some of the anecdotes and statistics you’ll find in this book are sad and a little scary. But for every scary stat, there is a solution your family can enact. For every kid thrown into the spin cycle of social media, there is a considerate and kind young person creating media to make life better for their community and peers. You may walk away from this book shocked, but you won’t walk away sad or hopeless. It’s full of positive content that’s actionable and versatile enough to enact for your unique family.

Diana Graber is not afraid to say that technology itself isn’t a bad thing, that it can be useful and fun and helpful. That it can even be healthy if use is balanced with other healthy offline activities. This isn’t just another scary warning book. It’s not a book that shames parents who are just doing their best. It’s a guide to empower parents, informed by science and realistic about the fact that technology and the internet are unavoidable and are pretty important for functioning adults to understand.

That’s why we love this book. We hope you love it too.

https://blog.relaypro.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/My-Post-7-1.jpg 300 695 Victoria Seng https://blog.relaypro.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/relay_blog.svg Victoria Seng2019-04-04 21:06:262021-04-02 11:19:40Book Review: Raising Humans in a Digital World
boy playing with a stuffed toy in his playroom. The room features a large window, ladder shelving, and a DIY tent.

7 Smart and Creative Playroom Ideas on a Budget

March 27, 2019/in Play Unplugged

boy sitting on blankets and pillows in a stylish playroom with a tent and a large window

We all want a perfect Pinterest playroom—a beautiful, well-organized play space for our kids to create, laugh, and be happy. But not many parents can justify buying 12 rattan baskets, three shelving units, and a plush ottoman all in one day. And that’s ok.

Your kids don’t care about the dollar value of their playroom decor. They care about having fun and being kids. The good news is that you don’t have to compromise your aesthetic tastes to create a playroom that’s fun and affordable. Here are some great DIY playroom ideas that make room for kids creative activities at home.

Playroom decorating ideas that don’t cost a fortune

1. Repurpose jars and bottles

From pickle jars to tiny spice bottles, wash them out and keep them. Not only to they make great storage containers for craft supplies like pens, paints, and beads—they also give the room an attractive, eclectic look. You can even turn your jars into craft projects with paint, markers, stickers, and more!

2. Up-cycle shoe boxes

Did you know that you can turn a shoebox into a beautiful storage basket in about fifteen minutes with a hot glue gun, an old pillow case, and some wrapping paper or twine? The colors, patterns, and options are nearly endless—and all of them are cheaper than buying a rattan basket.

3. DIY shelving for small spaces

Nine times out of ten, a piece of MDF and some wall fasteners are going to be cheaper than buying shelves. And they’re not hard to install, either! If you don’t already have tools on hand (screws, a level, a screwdriver), a friend or family member probably does. Try using shelves to create more storage space. Try placing shelves at low heights as an alternative to a table. It’s a great way to make room for kids activities in a small space. You can even paint them to blend with your walls—that’ll make the room look bigger.

4. Make your own wall stencils

You don’t have to be an artist to use this easy alternative to expensive wall decals. Just draw your pattern (stars, leaves, whatever your kid likes) on a piece of card stock, cut it out with an exact-o knife, and paint over the stencil. For bigger wall art, like trees and mountains, try using painter’s tape to create the outline on the wall, then paint.

5. Make comfy sitting areas on the floor

Sure, floating egg chairs and overstuffed armchairs are pretty. But if you’re like most people, you already have extra pillows and blankets on hand in a linen closet. Use these to create a super comfy “nest” in a corner of your play area. It makes a great book nook or nap spot. You can even use spare sheets to create a little tent.

6. Paint a wall with chalkboard paint

Not only does a chalkboard wall look striking, it also allows kids to create on a whim and use a huge canvas. Kids love drawing on the walls, and so do adults! A can of chalkboard paint won’t break the piggy bank, and one can will be more than enough. Check out this post for more chalkboard wall ideas.

7. Shop craft supplies from your recycling bin

Looking for affordable activities for kids? Try saving your cardboard boxes, paper towel tubes, sheets of bubble wrap, and more. Paired with tape, paint, or markers, they’re the building blocks for an amazing fort, a pirate’s spyglass, and good old fashioned creative fun. Not only do recycled craft supplies save you money, they also give your child so many more opportunities to use their imagination and create their own craft ideas during playtime.

When you put love and effort into your kids room, it shows. Saving money is just icing on the cake of imaginative play, little giggles, and your child’s growing creativity. Making your own playroom decor? Share your great ideas with the hashtag #PlayRelay on Facebook or Instagram for a chance to be featured on our blog!

 

More play ideas

Learn more about Relay

https://blog.relaypro.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/playroom_blog-1.jpg 300 695 Victoria Seng https://blog.relaypro.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/relay_blog.svg Victoria Seng2019-03-27 17:14:182021-04-02 11:19:457 Smart and Creative Playroom Ideas on a Budget
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