You shuffle around the kitchen on a Monday morning, putting on a pot of coffee—only to realize you forgot to add the grounds. Or the water, or even the coffee pot. You might just be a mombie (mom + zombie,) and unless you like drinking plain hot water, something needs to change.

Though it’s not the kind of term a doctor would use, we mamas here at Relay have turned into full-blown mombies ourselves more than once. Some of us have new babies and toddlers (bye, sleep schedule!) Some of us have big kids involved in so many extracurriculars, sports, and clubs that we can’t keep our schedules straight. And some of us have both going on at once. So we try to be super mom, being attentive and supportive every minute of the day, no matter how much we need to sleep or relax. And, while it seems like we’re doing good, we’re only hurting ourselves and our kids by ignoring our own needs.

It’s not easy to get back up when you feel like you’re in a slump, and no single tip or trick will work for everybody, but it’s the season of change and new beginnings—and our self care routines could use some spring cleaning. So from us to you, here are some of the self care strategies that help keep us sane while momming.

How do you know if you’re a mombie? Look for these 5 signs

1. You’re so tired. All the time.

2. You often find it difficult to concentrate—your mind tends to wander.

3. Commitments, responsibilities, and even simple tasks keep slipping your mind.

4. You’re more irritable than you normally are.

5. This has been happening for a while now and it’s not getting better on its own.

 

These symptoms do NOT mean that anything is wrong with you. And being a mombie is not something to poke fun at. We’ve all been there, and it feels terrible. A lot of the symptoms mombies show boil down to two big causes: exhaustion and chronic stress.

Should you just power through it?

Please don’t. Pushing yourself when you’re mentally and physically exhausted leads to way more negative outcomes than positive ones. Here are some of the reasons why:

Sleep deprivation is unhealthy for you and your family

It makes everything from chopping vegetables to driving a car more dangerous. And it’s not just because you’re at risk of dozing off. Here are some other side effects of not getting your rest.

• Exhaustion impairs your memory. You’re more likely to forget about items on your to-do list, work tasks, and even basic things like paying a bill or bringing the grocery list to the store. And with kids to care for, that’s far from ideal.
• Your brain power is on low-battery mode. That means it’s difficult or impossible to make quick judgement calls and use critical thinking skills. It also means your physical reaction time is delayed. And that can be dangerous.

Some people also experience mood changes and decreased tolerance for BS when they’re tired. We get it, us too. We’ll get into strategies for more sleep later.

Chronic stress is unhealthy—even more than you’d expect

Maybe all the things slipping through the cracks these days makes you a stressed out mom. Maybe the responsibility of guiding your child on the path towards independent, functioning adulthood is daunting. Whatever the case, chronic stress leads to all sorts of undesirable outcomes.

• Chronic stress is different than normal bad stress. When we’re stressed, our bodies produce cortisol. It’s a hormone that helps us get out of a bad situation in the short term, but kind of makes a mess of things when the cause of our stress (and the cortisol) stick around long-term. Everything from our mental state to the quality of our sleep to our blood pressure is fair game, so for the sake of your personal health, it’s best to find a way to deal with stress.
• When you’re stressed, you are unable to be as empathetic or patient as you would normally be. And as moms, that’s pretty much what we’re expected to do day-in, day-out. Maybe it manifests in yelling when the kids are out of control. Maybe you are unkind to yourself when you are truly doing the best you can under the circumstances.

If reading about stress is stressing you out, don’t worry. We’re done talking about problems. Now, let’s talk solutions.

Have we convinced you that self-care is important yet?

We’ve covered all the reasons you should take care of yourself, so here are some ideas of how to actually get it done in between working and momming and the rest of your schedule. Every situation is different, but here are some strategies that have worked for the moms around here.

1. Ask for help. You have every right to

Your partner is just as responsible for watching the kids as you are, so if you don’t usually take them up on it, start to. If that’s not an option, ask a family member or a sitter. Have a spa day at home or enjoy an activity you find relaxing while they take the reigns for a few hours.

2. Practice good sleep hygiene

If your kids are making it through the night but you are still unable to get your 8 hours, try taking a look at your bedtime routine. Quick tips include limiting naps to 30 minutes, limiting caffeine in the evening, keeping your bedroom a quiet peaceful place that is for sleeping (and nothing else!) and sticking to a wind-down routine in the evenings. Cortisol, the stress hormone we talked about earlier, will keep you awake and give your mind plenty of opportunity to race while you should be sleeping—so winding down and de-stressing after a long day is essential.

3. With babies, take naps to keep up

If you’re losing sleep at night for reasons that can’t be avoided with sleep hygiene alone (like a new baby,) make up for it during the day. Try to nap while they nap until they can make it through the night. Exhaustion is no joke, and it’s way easier to be your best self when you get enough sleep.

4. Keep up with friends, family, hobbies, and relationships

You are everything you were before you became “mom,” and forgetting to make time for things you like to do can be distressing. So, with babysitter, partner, or grandparent on retainer, go out and do things you love doing. As well, having the love and support of important people in your life can significantly help with stress.

5. Take some time to think about the things that stress you out

Sometimes we are stressed out and can’t even put our finger on why. We can’t solve anything without knowing what to fix. And once you know what, if anything, is stressing you out, you will have way more power to fix it. Even little things like picking out clothes and planning meals in advance can take so much weight off your shoulders. Pro Tip: do your contemplating during the day—don’t let it keep you up at night!

It’s worth mentioning that if you are getting adequate sleep, dealing with your stress in positive ways and still feel zombie-like, don’t hesitate to ask your doctor for help.

What do you do when you feel like a mombie? Tell us in the comments!

 

The kids are bored again—and they want to make sure you know it. Sure, you have a few crafty ideas and jaunty outings up your sleeve, but you also have to make dinner, finish up your work, get groceries… and let’s be real, you’re not going to be able to get all that done if you break out the slime kit and have to spend all evening trying to get it out of the carpet.

When your kids are bored, you don’t have to hop in to save the day every time with an ingenious new game, craft, or activity—but you can use these Relay super-parent strategies to respond to their cries of “I’m booored!” in a way that helps them beat boredom all by themselves.

What does “bored” mean for your kid?

Before deciding how to help your kids with their boredom, it’s worth asking yourself why they can’t find something to entertain them. Boredom means different things to different kids—here are a few causes of kids’ boredom and what to do about them.

Type 1: Too many options

Also known as analysis paralysis. If your kid has trouble making decisions, they may get bored after being unable to choose what they’d like to do. Kids are surrounded by toys and activities. They have vast imaginations full of ideas. And sometimes it’s hard to choose the best, most fun activity. Fearful of missing out on something fun by choosing “wrong,” some children prefer to defer a decision and end up doing nothing.

How to help: Use a tool to help them narrow down their options.

Type 2: Eyes on the prize

If your kid has a very specific game or activity in mind (like going to the pool) but can’t act on it (because there’s thunder and lighting out there!) sometimes they can ignore other options and stubbornly choose to be bored rather than accept another activity. And giving them alternative play suggestions only feeds the fire!

How to help: They’ll get bored of being bored soon enough. Just ride it out.

Type 3: Tricky language

Is “I’m bored” code for something else? For many kids, it’s actually code for “give me your smartphone so I can watch YouTube videos.” If your kid is angling to wear you down for screen time, you can still redirect them without assigning them an activity.

How to help: Don’t hand over your phone, tablet, or TV remote!

The 5 best games to play when the kids are bored

Games, parenting strategies, call them what you want. But these decision-making exercises help boredom while still enabling kids to think and be creative.

Play “ask the bored box”

This can be a box, jar, vase, bowl, or any vessel you don’t mind sitting out and being full of paper scraps. Your child can fill it with fun ideas and activities they come up with. Then, when they’re bored, they can reach in the box and take a look at their options. No need for parental intervention. The best part is that as your child grows, gaining new interests and hobbies, they can add ideas to the bored box. They can also toss old ideas that no longer appeal to them.

Play the “Sherlock” game

Once you eliminate the things you don’t want to do, the remaining thing, however unlikely, must be the the cure for your boredom. If your kid likes telling you all the things they don’t feel like doing, have them practice process of elimination by filling a page with ideas. They can then then cross off the ones they don’t want to do right now. The last idea left is the winner. It helps to give guidelines here, like whether they should write down inside games, outside games, games to play by themselves, or games to play with friend.

Play the “do your chores” game

This is the only “game” on this list that involves the parent suggesting or creating activities for kids. If your kid helps around the house, you can find fun ways to get them engaged in their chores with a chore chart and a positive attitude. You can even offer to work on your own chores at the same time or make a real game out of emptying the dishwasher. And who knows: maybe spending some time working will give them the inspiration they need to have some fun afterwards. Or more likely the suggestion of mowing the lawn will spontaneously cure their boredom! Check out this post to get more chore ideas and a free chore chart template.

Play outside

Sometimes a change of scenery can make all the difference in the world. There’s a lot to do and see outside. So send your kid out the door to seek adventure. Make sure you have a pack of go-to supplies your kid can grab for toys, a snack, and a safe, distraction-free way to get in contact with you, like Relay. This game still lets your kid decide how to beat boredom independently, but allows you to give them a hand narrowing down their options.

Play the creative thinking game

This is a game where you don’t help your kids when they’re bored. And it’s actually good for both of you. You’re not responsible for keeping your child entertained 100% of the time—wish them luck in solving their boredom and carry on with what you’re doing. They’ll find something to do eventually, and they’ll find their own way to narrow down their options. And figuring out how to pick an activity helps them become decisive, creative, and well-adjusted people. You can even make it easier for them to bump into activities around the house by setting up little play areas. Check out this post to learn how. Of course, if your kid settles on a game that requires your participation and comes to that decision all by themselves, feel free to join in!

 

Imagine a relaxing evening—well, try to imagine. It’s hard when you have little kids running around. Finding time for date night is near impossible for parents with young kids. Finding a sitter, making plans, worrying about what’s happening at home even when you’re out at dinner… Sound familiar? If you want to press pause on parenting for a few hours this Valentine’s Day to enjoy a relaxing, romantic evening, you’re in luck. Here is everything you’ll need to make your dreams come true: meet your date night survival guide.

Make a plan

Yes, logistics are boring. We’re all suckers for spontaneous romantic gestures, but with kids to worry about, who has time for it? For an uninterrupted evening enjoying each other’s company, you need to know in advance:

• What is your itinerary?
• Where will the kids be?
• What constitutes a “call me” emergency?

Whether you bring a sitter into your home or drop the kids off at their grandparents’ house, you need to know where they are and vice versa. The caregiver needs to know when you’ll be back or what time your movie is. They need to know that your kid’s bedtime protests aren’t anything to worry about and will be over soon. They need to know that screens go away an hour before bedtime. Usually a list will do the trick. And if this sitter or family member already knows the drill, even better!

Gather your supplies

Picture it in your head: what is your perfect, romantic evening? It doesn’t have to be a movie moment, just something fun or relaxing—whatever your ideal date night, you need the right supplies to pull it off with a minimum of “I miss mommy” tantrums from the kids and “I need to check on the kids” panic moments from you. While every family and every date will be different, here are some of the supplies you’ll need to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible:

Night on the town ideas

Sure, you could do dinner and a movie. It’s classic! But there are so many other options out there to pursue similar interests, learn new things, and find adventure. For any out of the house date plans, take the following with you.

You’ll need:

1. A sitter for the kids
2. Your phone (set to “do not disturb” with the exception of your sitter)
3. A rideshare app (just to be safe!)
4. A way to record some memories (polaroids, anyone?)

Things to do for date night

Go online and check out your area. Find an activity or event that you both will love. Here are some ideas:

• Find a music or comedy show in your area
• Take a cooking or painting class together
• Tour a museum, brewery, or other place that fascinates you

If you need to be home during the evening, you can always start early, dropping off the kids with the sitter and going straight to brunch or to a walk in the park.

At home date night ideas

You’ll need:

1. A place for the kids to spend the night (sitter, friend, or relative)
2. Your favorite grown up beverage
3. A meal prep service or takeout
4. A safe, out of sight place for your phone (check out this out-of sight charging box!)

Things to do for date night

Just because you’re staying home doesn’t mean your options are limited. Here are some ideas for your special night in.

• Takeout, Netflix, chill. You do enough work, take a night off.
• VIP dance party. No kids, no rules. Crank the tunes and dance.
• Cook a fancy dinner together… And you don’t have to do the dishes till tomorrow.

You might see each other every day, but it might have been a while since you’ve actually had time to talk about something other than the basic stuff that keeps the household running. No matter what you end up doing, the most special part of your night is just catching up—simple, but special anyway.

Make the night tantrum-proof

Let’s nip the meltdowns in the bud by making sure the kids have everything they need for a fun, quiet night. No missing stuffed animals, no forgotten bedtime books—you’ve got this. Here’s a quick catch-all of things your kids will need to have handy while you’re on your romantic date:

1. Favorite toys, security blankets/stuffed animals
2. A dinner menu they can’t say “no” to (mac n’ cheese, anyone?)
3. Fun activities at the ready (craft supplies, props for imaginative play)
4. A way to get in touch (for saying good night!)
5. Your secret weapon: the promise of a reward for good date night behavior

Yes, it is possible for parents to get away, have a night off, and enjoy just being in each other’s company again. And though it seems daunting, it’s actually a lot easier than it sounds. If you tend to get stressed out with your hectic schedule, plan a monthly—or even weekly—date night! With the right plan, it can be a win/win for you and the kids. Happy Valentine’s Day, parents!