The practice of multitasking with digital devices is rampant among children.  Children multitask in three basic ways: some use two or three devices at once, others use two or more apps on a single device, and yet others use a digital device while also performing another non-digital task, such as eating lunch.

Multitasking has become so routine that many children have lost any sense that it may be inappropriate at times.  For example, 35% of teens say they don’t think it’s rude or disrespectful to use their phones during class to play games, use social media, or stream video (Screen Education, 2018).

Unfortunately, multitasking is unhealthy.  Parents intuitively sense this — they sense that multitasking fragments children’s focus, shortens their attention span, prevents them from engaging deeply in the task at hand, and reduces their productivity.  Scientific research validates parents’ intuition. For example, researchers at the University of Sussex did MRI scans of the brains of people who frequently multitask and found they had a lower gray matter density in a region of the brain responsible for certain cognitive function than did those who don’t multitask.  Another study out of the University of London found that people who multitask while taking cognitive tests experienced a 15-point drop in IQ, which would be similar to the effect from smoking marijuana or staying up all night. Yet another study published in the American Journal of Experimental Psychiatry found that multitasking reduces productivity on each task by 40%.   

Given the ill health effects that result from multitasking it is incumbent upon parents to reduce multitasking among children.  Parents can accomplish this using both short-term and long-term strategies.  

In the short-term parents can limit the amount of time children spend multitasking simply by imposing limits.  For example, parents can forbid children from using more than one device at a time. Or, they can forbid them from using a device while doing other non-digital things, such as eating meals, talking to others, doing homework, or lying in bed trying to get to sleep. 

Over the long-term parents can help children develop the ability to independently self-limit their multitasking through a strategy of cognitive engagement.  Parents have a variety of tactics to use to accomplish this.

First, parents can educate children over time about the ill health effects of multitasking.  Parents can quickly and easily arm themselves with the knowledge they need to do this by conducting simple Google searches to generate articles and reports on these ill health effects. 

Second, parents can help children deeply internalize this knowledge about the ill-health effects of multitasking through active learning.  For example, parents can print an article on the latest research on the ill-health effects of multitasking, have their child read it, and then get them to articulate how they felt about the research findings, whether they feel the research findings are valid and accurate, and what they think the findings suggest people should do about their multitasking.

Third, parents can get children to reflect upon their own personal experience with multitasking.  For example, parents can ask children to verbalize how they feel when they aren’t permitted to use their phones during meals, versus how they feel when they do use their phone during meals.  How is the experience different? What is good about it? What is bad about it? How do they feel it helps them? What does it suggest for their future multitasking behavior? 

Finally, parents can turn the tables and challenge children to use their knowledge of the ill-health effects of multitasking, and their insights about their own multitasking behaviors, to independently develop their own rules for themselves to limit their own multitasking.  

If parents take this multi-pronged approach to addressing multitasking they will increase the likelihood of having a deeper, longer-term impact on children’s multitasking behavior, and, subsequently, on their cognitive health, productivity, and social intelligence.  For some children such an approach may be transformational and result in their developing much healthier screen habits. For others there might not be an immediate impact, but it will at least serve to raise their consciousness about the issue and serve as a touchstone experience that may inspire them at some later time to take the initiative reduce their multitasking on their own. 

Michael Mercier is President of Screen Education, a non-profit organization that conducts research and provides seminars to school administrators, teachers, parents, and students on tech addiction and how to address it.  Reach him at Michael.Mercier@ScreenEducation.org. 

There’s a famous study in which kids are asked to come up with how many uses they can think of for a paper clip. How many uses can you think of for a simple paper clip?

Some kids say things like “fishing hook” or “back scratcher.”

Thousands of kids were involved in this study and based on how many ideas they could devise, they were ranked on how well they exemplified divergent thinking. That is, how well could they look at a problem with novel, creative solutions. Divergent thinking means the ability to find multiple solutions to a problem.

What percentage of  typical 5-year-olds score in “genius” level for divergent thinking?

The answer: 98%!

By the time they reach high school, only 12% were ranked as “genius” level on divergent thinking.

This study begs the question: what happens between kindergarten and high school that explains this dramatic decline in this type of creativity called divergent thinking? The children in this study, of course, experience many things in the intervening years. The authors point out, however, that the primary experience they all have is that they are taught over and over that there is just one right answer to every problem. In school, at home and most everywhere else, children are formed to believe there is one right answer, one right solution to a problem.

Of course, there is a need for this type of formation in life. We wouldn’t get very far with formal education of our children if we taught them that all answers were right. We know that children have to understand that in some situations (e.g., math, writing, etc.) that there is just one right answer.

But what about creativity and this ability to think divergently about solutions to problems? Should we care about this?

In the big picture of the world that our kids will inherit, I think clearly the answer is “yes.” Creative thinking is what solves big problems. Thinking outside the box, looking at multiple solutions–these are the thinking skills that kids will need to solve the complex problems of the future.

As parents, there are things we can do to help raise creative children, even as they experience formal education.

Foster Unstructured Play

So much of our kids’ days are structured, rule-driven and controlled by adults. While there is a need for structured activities and learning, kids also need plenty of time for unstructured play that is not managed by adults.

This doesn’t mean chaos, it means creativity. Left on their own, kids will often devise their own games, rules and ways to keep the play lively and fun. I have seen this with my own kids numerous times. When we have a group of friends over to play, we just allow space for the kids to run around and see what emerges. Usually they develop some game or play of their own, with their own rules.

Have you ever seen a group of kids playing “groundies” on the playground? This game seems to be a universal one that all kids learn from other kids at a young age. I have no idea where it developed, but most kids just inherently learn it on the playground. The rules are made by kids, but all kids usually know the terms. It’s sort of amazing to watch how kids regulate themselves and their behavior when given the space to do so.

This is the beauty of unstructured play. Research backs up the necessity and usefulness of unstructured play for our children and the development of creativity. Studies have shown that kids who spend more time in unstructured play tend to rank higher on measures of executive function skills. These are the skills like planning, self-control, attention and memory that help kids succeed in all areas of life. While these may sound “uncreative” and boring, these are the foundations of creativity. Without these basic skills, the imaginative, fun, risk-taking and problem-solving of creativity is not possible.

Limit Hovering

The term “helicopter parenting” has made the rounds in the media for the past few years and made parents feel guilty about yet another aspect of parenting. In reality, however, helicopter parenting can be a real deterrent to fostering creative children, if it’s taken too far.

Parents often joke about being a “helicopter parent” when they bring their child’s forgotten lunchbox to school in time for lunch or similar scenarios. Helicopter parenting becomes problematic when it involves rescuing kids from failure or disappointment.

Allowing children to experience (some) failure really is a creative-building experience. Imagine if Thomas Edison had never experienced the hundreds of failures at creating the lightbulb? It may never had been invented, or at least not by him. Failure builds creativity in the most natural way. When one choice or solution doesn’t work, we are forced to think in a new way about another possible solution. Creativity in action!

In our everyday lives, we want to limit hovering or helicopter parenting our children, but many of us have real concerns about their safety and long-term well-being. That’s where Relay is so helpful. With a Relay in hand, we can feel confident allowing our kids more leeway in playing in the neighborhood or meeting up with friends on their own. We can stay in communication with them, without hovering over their every move. The sense of freedom and confidence that kids gain by having control of their decisions and actions only fosters their positive development.

Ultimately, raising creative children has a lot more do with what we don’t do, than what we do as parents. If we cut down on structured activities and allow for unstructured play, our kids’ creativity will bloom. If we allow for a little freedom in decision-making and perhaps even a little failure in our kids, they will gain resilience and confidence. With a little patience and guidance, our kids will develop into healthy, creative adults.

Amy Webb, PhD is a scholar turned stay-at-home mom with two young sons.

With her blog, The Thoughtful Parent, she brings academic child development research into the lives of parents in the trenches of child-rearing.

She does not claim to be a parenting guru, but rather a translator of academic research into knowledge that parents can actually use.

Welcome to Relay’s reading list for parents. We’ll give you the TL;DR of the book—short enough to be convenient, and long enough to let you know why we love it. This is Raising Humans in a Digital World: Helping Kids Build a Healthy Relationship with Technology by Diana Graber.

Before we start, here’s a quick rundown on Ms. Graber.

• 1. She is a fellow mom.
• 2. She has received awards for her work in media literacy education.
• 3. She co-founded a program called Cyber Civics, which teaches
• 4. digital citizenship in middle schools in many nations across the world.
• 5. She is the real deal.

What you’ll get if you read this book:

1. Scientific facts about how digital media affects kids from experts in the field

2. Realistic plans and activities that you can do at home

3. The “why” behind every recommendation and piece of advice

4. Heartwarming, powerful anecdotes about real kids navigating this path

5. Multiple points of view from the screen time argument—how tech hurts and how it helps

Top 5 takeaways for parents

Raising Humans in a Digital World is organized into three sections: A Solid Foundation, A Sturdy Structure, and A Vibrant Community. It won’t surprise you that the metaphor here compares preparing your child for the digital world with building a house. Through the book, Graber guides you through each phase of building your child’s tech skills and responsibilities with facts, anecdotes, fun activities, and sound advice.

Instead of breaking down the book section-by-section (Diana Graber does that beautifully,) here are the top 5 lessons I learned while reading.

1. Fear is not our friend—media literacy is

Many parents have heard horror stories about kids and the internet. And it seems easy to keep kids safe online by scaring them away from social media, YouTube, and gaming altogether. But easy doesn’t always mean effective. And in this case, using scare tactics with kids usually backfires.

Not only will fear tactics stop kids from learning the media literacy skills to help them avoid scary experiences, it also fails to stop them from using the internet—instead, they learn to be sneakier online. They may hide their activity from you or lie about what they do at friends’ houses. When parents (and teachers, and any adult mentors) use fear as a way to control behavior, kids won’t be afraid to keep using digital media—they’ll just be afraid to ask for help when they need it, which can compromise their online safety.

Rules about digital media aren’t that different from any other rule at home—we ask our kids not to talk to strangers in real life. Asking them not to give out personal information online isn’t much different. We don’t have to treat digital media like the boogeyman, but we can’t let kids run wild with it any more than we would let them with any other non-digital behavior.

2. You are your child’s primary role model and teacher

But you knew that already. The lessons you teach can be intentional, but many times they’re not. From infancy, the amount of time parents spend looking at screens (and not at their kids) has a real and measurable impact on children. And as kids get older, your technology habits are an example of what normal internet and screen use look like. So healthy screen habits, like screen-free meals and binge-free weekends rub off—and so do their opposites.

In addition to your own habits, you can help your kid navigate the digital world in age-appropriate ways. Diana Graber calls this creating “digital on-ramps,” where you can co-view media, learn how to use the internet for research, and build a strong foundation of knowledge for your child and trust within the parent-child relationship.

When you’re a digital mentor, your child knows that you won’t get mad if they come to you with questions, admit that they made a mistake, or encountered something disturbing online. Cultivating that trust is special and if maintained, can help your child avoid some of the more negative online experiences kids can encounter.

3. Keep in mind your child’s developmental stage

The human brain doesn’t finish developing until we’re 25 years old, and screens can shape the way kids’ brains develop from an early age. From ADHD to anxiety and depression, screen time and internet use can be impactful in all the wrong ways if used too early, too often, and without proper training and supervision. For young children, the ADA had written guidelines to guide parents. But for tweens and teens, the rules are muddy.

Teens (and kids, too) aren’t fully able to think through consequences before making decisions—their frontal cortex, the part of the brain that would usually help them think about that stuff, is still a construction zone. They aren’t able to fully understand how their actions could make other people feel, and that means they are likely to post something on a social network that makes another person feel bad or something that could impact the online reputation important to college admissions and job opportunities for the rest of their lives.

Diana Graber describes it this way: teens are able to understand and respect right and wrong as rules to follow, but don’t necessarily have the empathy necessary to comprehend the morality behind those rules—so it’s important to make sure kids have strong media literacy skills before you ease off the parental controls (and ideally before they own their own smartphone.)

4. Balance quality media with offline fun

When you look online, you often see a couple of parental camps when it comes to technology. There are the screen free parents and the techie parents. One tries to keep kids away from screens almost entirely, while the other has no issue with TV, tablets, phones, etc.

You often see parents in each camp disagreeing with each other. Most of us actually fall somewhere in the middle, and that’s a good thing. As a middle school Cyber Civics teacher, Diana Graber has seen a lot of parenting styles and is able to point out the merits and flaws in both screen time extremes.

Like most absolutist rules in parenting, denying kids screen time altogether often leads to rebellion, sneaking around, and secret-keeping. On the other hand, giving your child a device and letting them “go nuts” is a risky move. Both extreme ends of the spectrum actually lead to similar results: unsupervised screen time with no room for parents to teach kids about safety, privacy, and online etiquette.

Graber recommends taking a balanced approach: you can’t pretend that your kid will be willing or able to avoid the internet until their teen years, and even if they do, they’ll be walking into their digital lives completely unprepared. Introducing technology and online platforms gradually and with supervision is key. That way your child feels included socially—or included enough not to go behind your back—and has a digital mentor to teach them how to stay safe.

On the other side of the equation, offline activities are valuable for their own sake. Unstructured play and outdoor activities help kids’ brains develop in ways that digital media can’t. If your child gets a healthy mix of both, you’re generally on the right track.

5. Technology can be a good thing

It’s easy to mistake books like this for “screens are bad” books, or “you’re parenting wrong” books. Well, this one is different. Yes, some of the anecdotes and statistics you’ll find in this book are sad and a little scary. But for every scary stat, there is a solution your family can enact. For every kid thrown into the spin cycle of social media, there is a considerate and kind young person creating media to make life better for their community and peers. You may walk away from this book shocked, but you won’t walk away sad or hopeless. It’s full of positive content that’s actionable and versatile enough to enact for your unique family.

Diana Graber is not afraid to say that technology itself isn’t a bad thing, that it can be useful and fun and helpful. That it can even be healthy if use is balanced with other healthy offline activities. This isn’t just another scary warning book. It’s not a book that shames parents who are just doing their best. It’s a guide to empower parents, informed by science and realistic about the fact that technology and the internet are unavoidable and are pretty important for functioning adults to understand.

That’s why we love this book. We hope you love it too.

The kids are bored again—and they want to make sure you know it. Sure, you have a few crafty ideas and jaunty outings up your sleeve, but you also have to make dinner, finish up your work, get groceries… and let’s be real, you’re not going to be able to get all that done if you break out the slime kit and have to spend all evening trying to get it out of the carpet.

When your kids are bored, you don’t have to hop in to save the day every time with an ingenious new game, craft, or activity—but you can use these Relay super-parent strategies to respond to their cries of “I’m booored!” in a way that helps them beat boredom all by themselves.

What does “bored” mean for your kid?

Before deciding how to help your kids with their boredom, it’s worth asking yourself why they can’t find something to entertain them. Boredom means different things to different kids—here are a few causes of kids’ boredom and what to do about them.

Type 1: Too many options

Also known as analysis paralysis. If your kid has trouble making decisions, they may get bored after being unable to choose what they’d like to do. Kids are surrounded by toys and activities. They have vast imaginations full of ideas. And sometimes it’s hard to choose the best, most fun activity. Fearful of missing out on something fun by choosing “wrong,” some children prefer to defer a decision and end up doing nothing.

How to help: Use a tool to help them narrow down their options.

Type 2: Eyes on the prize

If your kid has a very specific game or activity in mind (like going to the pool) but can’t act on it (because there’s thunder and lighting out there!) sometimes they can ignore other options and stubbornly choose to be bored rather than accept another activity. And giving them alternative play suggestions only feeds the fire!

How to help: They’ll get bored of being bored soon enough. Just ride it out.

Type 3: Tricky language

Is “I’m bored” code for something else? For many kids, it’s actually code for “give me your smartphone so I can watch YouTube videos.” If your kid is angling to wear you down for screen time, you can still redirect them without assigning them an activity.

How to help: Don’t hand over your phone, tablet, or TV remote!

The 5 best games to play when the kids are bored

Games, parenting strategies, call them what you want. But these decision-making exercises help boredom while still enabling kids to think and be creative.

Play “ask the bored box”

This can be a box, jar, vase, bowl, or any vessel you don’t mind sitting out and being full of paper scraps. Your child can fill it with fun ideas and activities they come up with. Then, when they’re bored, they can reach in the box and take a look at their options. No need for parental intervention. The best part is that as your child grows, gaining new interests and hobbies, they can add ideas to the bored box. They can also toss old ideas that no longer appeal to them.

Play the “Sherlock” game

Once you eliminate the things you don’t want to do, the remaining thing, however unlikely, must be the the cure for your boredom. If your kid likes telling you all the things they don’t feel like doing, have them practice process of elimination by filling a page with ideas. They can then then cross off the ones they don’t want to do right now. The last idea left is the winner. It helps to give guidelines here, like whether they should write down inside games, outside games, games to play by themselves, or games to play with friend.

Play the “do your chores” game

This is the only “game” on this list that involves the parent suggesting or creating activities for kids. If your kid helps around the house, you can find fun ways to get them engaged in their chores with a chore chart and a positive attitude. You can even offer to work on your own chores at the same time or make a real game out of emptying the dishwasher. And who knows: maybe spending some time working will give them the inspiration they need to have some fun afterwards. Or more likely the suggestion of mowing the lawn will spontaneously cure their boredom! Check out this post to get more chore ideas and a free chore chart template.

Play outside

Sometimes a change of scenery can make all the difference in the world. There’s a lot to do and see outside. So send your kid out the door to seek adventure. Make sure you have a pack of go-to supplies your kid can grab for toys, a snack, and a safe, distraction-free way to get in contact with you, like Relay. This game still lets your kid decide how to beat boredom independently, but allows you to give them a hand narrowing down their options.

Play the creative thinking game

This is a game where you don’t help your kids when they’re bored. And it’s actually good for both of you. You’re not responsible for keeping your child entertained 100% of the time—wish them luck in solving their boredom and carry on with what you’re doing. They’ll find something to do eventually, and they’ll find their own way to narrow down their options. And figuring out how to pick an activity helps them become decisive, creative, and well-adjusted people. You can even make it easier for them to bump into activities around the house by setting up little play areas. Check out this post to learn how. Of course, if your kid settles on a game that requires your participation and comes to that decision all by themselves, feel free to join in!

Imagine a relaxing evening—well, try to imagine. It’s hard when you have little kids running around. Finding time for date night is near impossible for parents with young kids. Finding a sitter, making plans, worrying about what’s happening at home even when you’re out at dinner… Sound familiar? If you want to press pause on parenting for a few hours this Valentine’s Day to enjoy a relaxing, romantic evening, you’re in luck. Here is everything you’ll need to make your dreams come true: meet your date night survival guide.

Make a plan

Yes, logistics are boring. We’re all suckers for spontaneous romantic gestures, but with kids to worry about, who has time for it? For an uninterrupted evening enjoying each other’s company, you need to know in advance:

• What is your itinerary?
• Where will the kids be?
• What constitutes a “call me” emergency?

Whether you bring a sitter into your home or drop the kids off at their grandparents’ house, you need to know where they are and vice versa. The caregiver needs to know when you’ll be back or what time your movie is. They need to know that your kid’s bedtime protests aren’t anything to worry about and will be over soon. They need to know that screens go away an hour before bedtime. Usually a list will do the trick. And if this sitter or family member already knows the drill, even better!

Gather your supplies

Picture it in your head: what is your perfect, romantic evening? It doesn’t have to be a movie moment, just something fun or relaxing—whatever your ideal date night, you need the right supplies to pull it off with a minimum of “I miss mommy” tantrums from the kids and “I need to check on the kids” panic moments from you. While every family and every date will be different, here are some of the supplies you’ll need to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible:

Night on the town ideas

Sure, you could do dinner and a movie. It’s classic! But there are so many other options out there to pursue similar interests, learn new things, and find adventure. For any out of the house date plans, take the following with you.

You’ll need:

1. A sitter for the kids
2. Your phone (set to “do not disturb” with the exception of your sitter)
3. A rideshare app (just to be safe!)
4. A way to record some memories (polaroids, anyone?)

Things to do for date night

Go online and check out your area. Find an activity or event that you both will love. Here are some ideas:

• Find a music or comedy show in your area
• Take a cooking or painting class together
• Tour a museum, brewery, or other place that fascinates you

If you need to be home during the evening, you can always start early, dropping off the kids with the sitter and going straight to brunch or to a walk in the park.

At home date night ideas

You’ll need:

1. A place for the kids to spend the night (sitter, friend, or relative)
2. Your favorite grown up beverage
3. A meal prep service or takeout
4. A safe, out of sight place for your phone (check out this out-of sight charging box!)

Things to do for date night

Just because you’re staying home doesn’t mean your options are limited. Here are some ideas for your special night in.

• Takeout, Netflix, chill. You do enough work, take a night off.
• VIP dance party. No kids, no rules. Crank the tunes and dance.
• Cook a fancy dinner together… And you don’t have to do the dishes till tomorrow.

You might see each other every day, but it might have been a while since you’ve actually had time to talk about something other than the basic stuff that keeps the household running. No matter what you end up doing, the most special part of your night is just catching up—simple, but special anyway.

Make the night tantrum-proof

Let’s nip the meltdowns in the bud by making sure the kids have everything they need for a fun, quiet night. No missing stuffed animals, no forgotten bedtime books—you’ve got this. Here’s a quick catch-all of things your kids will need to have handy while you’re on your romantic date:

1. Favorite toys, security blankets/stuffed animals
2. A dinner menu they can’t say “no” to (mac n’ cheese, anyone?)
3. Fun activities at the ready (craft supplies, props for imaginative play)
4. A way to get in touch (for saying good night!)
5. Your secret weapon: the promise of a reward for good date night behavior

Yes, it is possible for parents to get away, have a night off, and enjoy just being in each other’s company again. And though it seems daunting, it’s actually a lot easier than it sounds. If you tend to get stressed out with your hectic schedule, plan a monthly—or even weekly—date night! With the right plan, it can be a win/win for you and the kids. Happy Valentine’s Day, parents!